people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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