I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
