using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
