she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
