Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
