I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
