I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
