My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
this is an emotional support booty call
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
