Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
