you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
