I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
