my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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