Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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