I want to have your abortion
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
