Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
