I will die if light touches me.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
