the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
