a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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