He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
