I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
