Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
