My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
