I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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