I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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