peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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