Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
