Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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