My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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