I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
