im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize