nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
