They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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