I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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