The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
