u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
