Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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