She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
