Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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