We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
