Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
