Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
