chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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