Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
