how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
