You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
