We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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