Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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