You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
