Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
