I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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