And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
